1. I am the queen. You will have no queen before me.
2. Rent is due on the first of the month. It is payable by check, money order, Paypal, or cash. Art is also accepted as a reasonable currency (see, I am a beneficent queen).
3. Weekly trips to Eastern Market are optional but encouraged. Seriously, who doesn't like locally grown produce and well hung meat?
4. When I go out of town for work someone has to feed my cat (there has to be some benefit to being queen).
5. Weekly potluck dinners at my place! Or not! Impromptu ice cream parties on the other hand will most definitely be a thing.
6. Free wi-fi! Or, I will put my router near a wall! Or you can put your router near a wall, and I will give you a break on the rent.
7. Pets are allowed, within reason (no toucans, giant squid, or elephants... Even if they are meant to be ironic.)
Seriously though, there is an apartment building for sale walking distance to my work, across the street from the new coffee place. Four units. Twenty one thousand dollars. Who doesn't think that's an awesome plan?