Saturday, March 14, 2015

How to Read Terry Pratchett’s Discworld Series FOR THE FIRST TIME

Note: This post is most useful if you have never read the Terry Pratchett books before and want a map for rereading them. There is another post for people who want to reread the series available here. 

Terry Pratchett’s Discworld universe is a complicated series of 41 books involving a host of characters from all walks of life. They are fun, fascinating, and fabulous, but reading them in chronological order can be exhausting because of the many interconnected story lines. This is one order that might help make order out of chaos. (I’m also not doing a lot of commentary because I don’t want to give spoilers).

Discworld First Time Order:


Okay, so if you’ve never read the Discworld books before then DO NOT READ THE FIRST THREE BOOKS. The Colour of Magic, The Light Fantastic, and Equal Rites are all fun fantasy novels, but the universe isn’t fully baked and it will make it harder to get into the later novels. If you really want you can watch the two-part television adaption Terry Pratchett’s The Colour of Magic. It stars some guy I’ve never heard of as Rincewind, but—more importantly—Sam Gangee is Twoflower!! Plus Tim Curry and Jeremy Irons! 

The City Watch Part 1 (aka ‘Monarchy: the Vimes and Carrot show with comedy effects provided by Nobby Nobs’):

  • Guards! Guards! (1989)
  • Men at Arms (1992)
  • Feet of Clay (1996)
  • Jingo (1997)
  • The Fifth Elephant (1999) 

Some Random Books (Discworld Culture Edition):

  • Pyramids (1989)
  • Small Gods (1992)

These are both ‘Discworld Culture’ books according to Wikipedia. I don’t know what they’re smoking, but I’m buying. These two books don’t really have any recurring characters, but they’re awesome. Read them. 

The Death (Not Susan) Books:

  • Mort (1987)
  • Reaper Man (1991) 

The Rincewind/Early Wizard Books:

  • Sourcery (1988)
  •  Eric (1990)
  • Moving Pictures (1990)
  •  Interesting Times (1994)
  • The Last Continent (1998) 

The Witches (Not Tiffany Aching) Books:

  • Wyrd Sisters (1988)
  • Witches Abroad (1991)
  • Lords and Ladies (1992)
  • Maskerade (1995)
  • Carpe Jugulum (1998) 

The Death/Susan Books:      

  • Soul Music (1994)
  •  Hogather (1996)

Stop reading. Step away from the novels. Go watch the television adaptation of the Hogfather (available on ITunes people) starring Lady Mary Crawley as Susan. Do it now.
  • Thief of Time (2001) 

Time out for Some Random Books (Truly Random Edition):

  • The Truth (2000)
  • Monstrous Regiment (2003)
  • Unseen Academicals (2009) 

The Moist Von Lipwig Books:

  • Going Postal (2004)
I’m in love with Carrot (who isn’t) but I want to freaking marry Moist. While you’re having a moment (come on, be honest, we’re all having a moment) why don’t you skip back over to ITunes for the television adaptation starring Richard Coyle and Claire Foy (who also play opposite each other in NBC’s Crossbones). It’s delicious. 
  • Making Money (2007)

The City Watch Part 2 (aka Carrot is still cool but VIMES IS AWESOME):

  • Night Watch (2002)
  • Thud! (2005)
  • Snuff (2011)
  • Raising Steam (2013) 

Some Random Books (Childrens Edition):

  • The Last Hero (2001)
  • The Amazing Maurice and His Educated Rodents (2001)

The Tiffany Aching Books (AKA Terry Pratchett uses a series of children’s novels to work through his thoughts on alzheimer’s. Just cry the entire time):

  • The Wee Free Men (2003)
  • A Hat Full of Sky (2004)
  • Wintersmith (2006)
  • I Shall Wear Midnight (2010)
  • The Shepherd’s Crown (2015)


Congratulations, you made it to the end (if you want to go back and read the first three books now you can, but it's super not necessary). What do you think? Are you in tears yet?

Discworld Machete Reread Order

 Note: This post is most useful if you have read the Terry Pratchett books before and want a map for rereading them. There is another post for first time readers trying to get into Terry Pratchett here.

Terry Pratchett’s Discworld universe is a complicated series of 41 books involving a host of characters from all walks of life. They are fun, fascinating, and fabulous, but reading them in chronological order can be exhausting because of the many interconnected story lines. If you’ve already read some of the Discworld books and are looking for a way to go back through the series, this is one method that might help make order out of chaos.

Let me know what you think in the comments.

Discworld Machete Reread Order:

The Rincewind Books:

  • The Colour of Magic (1983)
  • The Light Fantastic (1986)
The Colour of Magic and The Light Fantastic are the first two Discworld books. They are short funny fantasies that have almost nothing to do with the later novels (okay, they are where the Librarian turns into an Orangutang, so there’s some carry over… but not a lot). By the end of these two novels lovable wizard Rincewind has gone through various trials and come out stronger for it… a better stronger Rincewind? No, thank you. If you want you can skip these two books entirely and just watch the two-part television adaption Terry Pratchett’s The Colour of Magic. It stars some guy I’ve never heard of as Rincewind, but—more importantly—Sam Gangee is Twoflower!! Plus Tim Curry and Jeremy Irons! 
  • Sourcery (1988)
Love Sourcery, I think this is a great introduction to the concept of other Wizards and Unseen University without making them look like unrepetent morons (see Equal Rites).
  • Eric (1990)
  • Moving Pictures (1990)
NOT A RINCEWIND BOOK! The early Discworld books (I know, in Machete order we still haven’t gotten to Equal Rites… patience). This book doesn’t have Rincewind, but it provides the context necessary for Interesting Times and (especially) the Last Continent. It also introduces Ponder and Ridcully, so… you know… awesome.
  • Interesting Times (1994)
  • The Last Continent (1998)
Don’t worry, gentle reader, Rincewind will show up again in other novels! But, these are the essentials.

Some Random Books (Discworld Culture Edition):

  • Pyramids (1989)
  • Small Gods (1992)

These are both ‘Discworld Culture’ books according to Wikipedia. I don’t know what they’re smoking, but I’m buying. These two books don’t really have any recurring characters, but they’re awesome. Read them. Especially the parts in Pyramids that introduce the guild system in Ankh Morpark (and the assassins, never forget the assassins… they won’t forget you).

The Death (Not Susan) Books:

  • Mort (1987)
Mort is the fourth Discworld novel published, and it’s the point where you can say, “Everything after this is totally cannon. The rules are set. This is shit that happened.”
  • Reaper Man (1991)

Introduction of the auditors!

The Witches (Not Tiffany Aching) Books:

  • Equal Rites (1987)

Okay, so Equal Rites was the third Discworld published and it’s another one where the basis of the world isn’t fully developed. It introduces the world and a not quite fully developed Unseen University. Don’t pay a lot of attention to the specifics, just enjoy the story.
  • Wyrd Sisters (1988)
This is the first real Witches book. It's awesome and tells you everything you need to know about Macbeth.
  •  Witches Abroad (1991)
AKA Fairytales are scary.
  • Lords and Ladies (1992)
Ridcully and Granny sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G
  • Maskerade (1995)
  • Carpe Jugulum (1998)

The Death/Susan Books:

  • Soul Music (1994)

Congratulations, you finally made it to Soul Music and SUSAN! Death’s out, she’s in, and she’s awesome.
  • Hogather (1996)
Stop reading. Step away from the novels. Go watch the television adaptation of the Hogfather (available on ITunes people) starring Lady Mary Crawley as Susan. Do it now!
  • Thief of Time (2001)
SUSAN IS AWESOME! HISTORY MONKS! AAAH!

The City Watch Part 1 (aka ‘Monarchy: the Vimes and Carrot show with comedy effects provided by Nobby Nobs’):

  •  Guards! Guards! (1989)
Raise your hand if you’re in love with Carrot. Seriously. Adorable. Also, Vimes… yeah, I love Vimes and his fucking boots theory of economics.
  • Men at Arms (1992)
  • Feet of Clay (1996)
  • Jingo (1997)
  • The Fifth Elephant (1999) 

Time out for Some Random Books (Truly Random Edition):

  • The Truth (2000)
This is a cross between a City Watch Book and a Moist Von Lipwig book but (tragically) isn’t as cool as either one.
  • Monstrous Regiment (2003)
AKA Terry Pratchett does gender studies… without managing to offend too many people.
  • Unseen Academicals (2009)
More Wizards! And more WIZZARD!

The Moist Von Lipwig Books:

  • Going Postal (2004)
I’m in love with Carrot (who isn’t) but I want to freaking marry Moist. While you’re having a moment (come on, be honest, we’re all having a moment) why don’t you skip back over to ITunes for the television adaptation starring Richard Coyle and Claire Foy (who also play opposite each other in NBC’s Crossbones). It’s delicious.
  • Making Money (2007)

The City Watch Part 2 (aka Carrot is still cool but VIMES IS AWESOME):

  • Night Watch (2002)
AKA Vimes has a baby.
  • Thud! (2005)
AKA Vimes reads a storybook.
  • Snuff (2011)
AKA Kids are weird and like poop.
  • Raising Steam (2013)
EVERYTHING IS AWESOME! With extra bonus golems.

Some Random Books (Childrens Edition):

  • The Last Hero (2001)
  •  The Amazing Maurice and His Educated Rodents (2001)

The Tiffany Aching Books (AKA Terry Pratchett uses a series of children’s novels to work through his thoughts on alzheimer’s. Just cry the entire time):

  •  The Wee Free Men (2003)
  • A Hat Full of Sky (2004)
  • Wintersmith (2006)
  • I Shall Wear Midnight (2010)
  • The Shepherd’s Crown (2015)


The end. What do you think? Are you in tears yet? Does the Machete Reread order make more sense than chronological order?

Thursday, December 18, 2014

Makeup Review: Bumble and Bumble Thickening Full Form Mousse

Once upon a time there was a girl who had a low self esteem day. To combat this plague she took herself off to the salon and got an overpriced haircut, a blowout, and a bottle of WAY TOO EXPENSIVE mousse.

She loved the mousse--excessively--and for the rest of its natural life they lived happily ever after.

Then it died and she tried to replace it with drugstore mousse.

NOT THE SAME THING.

The end.

Bumble and Bumble Thickening Full Form Mousse is not the original (expensive) mousse. It is not the god-awful drug store mousse that makes my hair feel like potato chips (crunchy and greasy). It's the mousse I tried today in Sephora (I'm an addict). It's lightweight and airy. It adds volume and texture without making my hair feel dirty. It's not my magical mousse (whose name I can't remember but was definitely over fifty dollars... on sale) but it's pretty damn good. I put it on my hair dry, ran it through my amber waves, and walked out looking like I'd just rolled out of bed... in a good way.

It's so good that when I got home I went online and bought it.

Definite WINNER.

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Tsu Review, aka, What the heck am I going to do with another social media platform?... Never mind, so pretty...

I started an account on tsu yesterday (you can check me out here: https://www.tsu.co/aleahbarley ) and I really like it. I tried out helo and a couple of other different "facebook killers" but this is the first one that I think will stick around, because:
  • The interface is amazingly pretty... so pretty... 
  • There are some writers/bloggers I recognize who are there already and using it in a productive way (Rockstars of Romance, etc.).
  • All your friends and followers see all your posts.
  • Apparently they're going to share advertising revenue with users, I'm still trying to figure this out but it's an interesting premise.
  • It can hook into your facebook/ instagram/ twitter/ pinterest/ tumblr/ etc. so you can post to a bunch of places when you post to tsu. So you're not losing anything. I like that alot.
Mostly I just love the interface... So pretty...

Just some thoughts. :)

Aleah Barley

Friday, December 5, 2014

Review: Urban Decay Lipstick

I'm on a lipstick kick. I'm absolutely obsessed with the creamy feel of Bite's Luminous Creme Lipstick. I also recently bought (same trip) an Urban Decay Revolution Lipstick.

It's awesome.

Don't get me wrong... the Bite lipstick is still my go to every day lipstick but this Urban Decay stick is my new night time jam. Like Bite it's made out of friendly ingredients and there's no animal testing. Like Bite it's creamy (although less creamy).

The big difference??

Color saturation and staying power.

I got the Urban Decay lipstick in a dark pink called Manic (thanks Sephora lady for not letting me choose the ugly color I was going to buy!). It goes on smoothe and after about ten minutes is actually smoochable (aka, I can make out with my BF without leaving too much lipstick behind). There is some serious lip staining, so you need to reapply less often and can definitely have a drink or two--if not a full on dinner.

It's a WINNER.

What about you? What's your favorite lipstick?

Get it here: http://www.sephora.com/revolution-lipstick-P381305?skuId=1531888

How to Pick a Good Lipstick Color and Review: Bite Luminous Creme Lipstick

Okay, so a couple of weeks ago I was in Sephora getting my free Birthday Gift (woohoo, free lipstick and mascara... the lipstick was a crappy color but I desperately needed mascara. Apparently that stuff goes bad after a few months so my two year old mascara definitely needed to be tossed) and I bought a double-sided Bite lipstick from one of those bins near the counter.

You know what I'm talking about... Don't lie.

I'm not a big lipstick girl but I loved it... seriously... this stuff is like lip crack. It's creamy without being too heavy. It doesn't smell or taste like much (I used to have a cheesecake flavored lipgloss but I ate it). It's made of food grade products in Canada (my neighbor to the south... roflmao... seriously, I live in Detroit, check it out on a map). Bite lipstick is a definite WINNER.

A few weeks later I went back to Sephora for a full sized lipstick in a better color... dun-dun... lightning flash.

I suck at picking colors. I really, really, suck. So, I have a new technique I'd like to share with you. It's called "Go to Sephora and Get Someone There To Help."

Sephora's great. It's full of friendly people who know about makeup, are paid to help you, and will give you samples of super expensive moisturizer to try out (moisturizer reviews coming soon!). A nice woman swatched some against my hand and was like "this one."

It's called Rose and it looks great.

Check it out here! http://www.sephora.com/luminous-creme-lipstick-P283903?skuId=1611284

Thursday, December 4, 2014

Romance Adventures Blog Hop: Cars, Clowns, and Zombies

Hi everyone! Welcome to the Romance Adventures Blog Hop. My name's Aleah Barley and I write rip-roaring romantic adventures including car chases, explosions, clowns, and zombies... not all in the same book. :)

Sometimes people ask me how I come up with ideas... the truth? When I get stuck while writing a book I add a rush of action and then like to see how my characters handle the crazy fall out.

Of course... in real life my biggest adventure is trying to eat all the Thanksgiving leftovers (without gaining a hundred pounds). In a death defying feat that critics are calling "hilarious" and "unrealistic" I'm attempting to eat most of a turkey, half a pumpkin pie, six mini apple pies, chopped liver, cheese, and ALL THE STUFFING. What about you? What's your biggest adventure for 2014?? Leave a comment below to win an e-book copy of one of my books. 

Honey from Too Hot to Handle is a reformed car thief who needs a place to stay after someone burns down her house. There's only one man she can trust--Detective Jack Ogden. This book is full of fast cars and hot men. It's all about American Muscle... and the occasional act of arson.

Check out Too Hot to Handle today and watch the sparks fly!

In Leaving Las Vegas, Glory is a West Virginia Wild Child and Luke is a Las Vegas billionaire who always gets what he wants... and right now he wants her. From underground poker games to car chases and gun fights, this book has it all!

Check out Leaving Las Vegas Today and be ready for an explosive good time!



If mad-cap contemporary romances (and crazy clowns--thank you so much American Horror Story, lol) are more your thing then check out Tempting the Ringmaster... when a circus girl falls for a small town cop things are sure to get firey. With plenty of quirky characters and surprises, Tempting the Ringmaster is fun, fun, fun.






Then there are the zombies... In Dead SexyGemma Sinclair is a mortuary attendant and ace zombie hunter who always sees the world in black and white--up until she stun guns the wrong dead guy in the ass. D.S. Thomas Conroy is tall, dead, and sexy. He's also a special agent for the Department of Undead Americans and he needs Gemma's help to investigate missing zombies in the Motor City.

Readers love Dead Sexy! They're comparing the series to the Walking Dead, True Blood, and Stephanie Plum. One click Dead Sexy today and don't forget to check out the sequel--Dead Set--available now!


Blog Hop List.... visit all the sites and share some love!

1.
 Liza O'Connor

2. Daryl Devore

3. Jennifer Lowery

4. Andrea R Cooper

5. Melissa Keir

6. Karen Lopp

7. Aine P Massie

8. Gaeille Vanderspek

9. Joceline Farrah

10. Jenna Jaxon

11. Gina Danna

12. Melissa Kendall

13. Sharon Cullen

14. D'Ann Lindun

15. Nikki Lynn Barrett

16. Tricia L. Quinnies

17. Lisa Kumar

18. Georgia Lyn Hunter

19. Sheri Fredricks

20. Susan Sheehey

21. Aleah Barley

22. Stacey Brutger

23. Bobbi Romans